May 11, 2012 at 3:57 pm (Short Stories)

People had been warned about the meteor. They had been warned there was a good chance that it would strike earth. They had been warned that it was 2 miles across and would cause untold devastation if it struck. They had been told that it was a similar meteor to the one that had possibly destroyed all the dinosaurs. People are interesting though; a lot of times they have a hard time believing in something until they can see it.  So when they looked into the night sky and saw one star just a little brighter than the others, no one felt that threatened. Then, one morning, families woke up and looked out their dining room windows and they could see the incoming rock hanging in the daytime sky. Then the panic started and, over it all, the meteor loomed closer and closer.

There was one man who wasn’t concerned. His name was Terrence Howard but he liked to go by the nickname T-money. He didn’t look up into the sky a lot and he wore dark sunglasses most of the time because they made him look mysterious. He had heard the news about the meteor and had taken it as an opportunity to start using a tanning bed instead of spray tans, because hey, life is short. He was admiring his tan that morning as he prepared to climb into the tanning bed at his strangely deserted local tanning salon when he heard a strange rumbling sound.
“I wonder what that is?” He thought to himself.
The meteor slammed into New Jersey, removing it and T-Money from the face of the earth. It also made quite a loud noise, which upset the digestion of the citizens of Philadelphia, so everyone was quite concerned about that.

There is a set amount of time that one should wait before going to examine two mile long meteors that have just destroyed all of New Jersey, but no one was quite sure how long that was. So secret government organizations showed up a couple of hours later with the intent of creating a top secret zone, but they discovered that hillbillies were already there in lawn chairs, and they decided that it would be a lot of work to move them. Once the government set that precedent, tents started popping up all around the steaming red mass poking up into the sky. Religious fanatics came to worship the meteor, scientists came to study it, high-schoolers came to do drugs, hillbillies came because it was one more place to drink beer, and regular people came because it was just something to do. So, before too much longer, the state of former New Jersey was filled with people eager to see the first tourist attraction New Jersey had ever had worth seeing.

So when an enormous door opened in the side of the meteor, revealing that it probably wasn’t a meteor at all, a lot of people were there to be very surprised. Then, as people were recovering from their surprise enough to be curious, they became a little more surprised and quite a bit more uncomfortable (with the exception of the religious fanatics who fell on their face in awe) when out of the door stepped an enormous T-Rex wearing a tiny space helmet. Nothing really quite makes you reconsider your assumed “safe to approach the strange celestial object” time frames than when a dinosaur approaches you in a hat, and at this sight quite a few campers decided that there were better places for them to sleep uncomfortably on the ground. The exodus was in full force when the T-Rex opened his mouth and roared. The roar shook the earth, but the strangest thing was that, when he roared, a tiny speaker on his space helmet piped in and said this:
“STOP! I won’t hurt you!”
The sound was tinny, like a bad car radio turned all the way up, and was barely  loud enough to be heard over the roar of the T-Rex, but it was enough. Everyone stopped and looked at the dinosaur who, in turn, looked hungrily at an overweight child who had been running more slowly than the others. Then he shook his head and started to roar again. Unfortunately, when he shook his head, the tiny space helmet had become dislodged from his massive head and stopped translating his words. The giant reptile tried to reach up and adjust it back but T-Rex arms weren’t made for reach so, after hopping around for a while, he rubbed his head against the side of the door to resettle his helmet.
“We won’t hurt you!” he said again, and out of the door poured every kind of dinosaur that you could imagine.
“We were just like you once,” he told them, “looking around at the giant rock that fell out of the sky and then we discovered that it was an alien spaceship. The aliens hoped we would help them get their spaceship fixed. But we ate them and fixed their spaceship for ourselves. Ever since then, we have roamed the skies in peace and harmony, exploring worlds!”
A scarred Stegosaurus with a bite out of his tail harrumphed at this last part.
“Now, good humans,” finished the T-Rex, “could you help us fix our spaceship so that we may finish exploring our wonderful solar system?”
A fat government agent smiled and waved good naturedly at the T-Rex.
“Of course! Of Course! We just have to make sure that you aren’t contaminated with space rabies.”
Six airplanes flashed over-head, dropping giant canisters that bounced down amongst the dinosaurs and, as they spun, they released a foul green gas. The enormous reptiles collapsed.

The dinosaurs awoke to a loud noise. The spaceship was taking off and leaning out was the fat man. “So long suckers!” He shouted. The T-Rex groaned and took a bite out of the sleeping Stegosaurus.


1 Comment

  1. Mike Young said,

    Cute idea

Go ahead, make my day.

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